Missing someone is when you’re constantly looking at your phone and waiting for his messages to pop up. Missing someone is wishing that at this very moment, he’ll surprisingly show himself up to erase that emptiness you’re feeling. Missing someone is staying awake late at night and thinking of those possible things he’s doing why you’re not hearing anything from him for a long time. Missing someone is counting the days since you last talk and trying to recall if you did or say anything wrong that might be the reason why he’s not contacting you since then. Missing someone is waking up lonely on a Saturday morning because you have no one to spend the whole day with and do silly things with like what you used to do when you’re together. Missing someone is seeing something that reminds you of him and feeling weak because the more you see that certain thing, the more you miss him.
And let me tell you, I’m going through those things and even if I try to push the thought away that I miss you so badly, the way I act says it all. I even carry my phone everywhere, waiting for it to vibrate and waiting for it to ring that I always get disappointed when I received texts and it’s not from you. And I’m not just missing you. I’m missing that me — the joyful, cheerful, naughty me that always come to life every time I’m with you. Because when you’re not around, loneliness is always my best friend. I barely laugh, I barely smile and I’m always hot-tempered. I’m waiting for something so dear and so important that when other people tell me not to get myself too attached, my mind yells back “You don’t care.” And the worst part of missing someone is those negative thoughts telling you that this someone who’s name is permanently curved in your mind doesn’t feel the same thing, he’s not even missing you. I’m not even sure if you’re going back to those old conversations of ours and if you’re waiting for me to show up. I’m not even sure if you’re also feeling down and if you also have the eagerness to see me, or talk to me. Missing you sucks, you know. It’s better if I’m kissing you instead of missing you.